Monday, March 24, 2014

What Strange World am I in Now?

I read about alternate universes -- versions of our world that are slightly different to very different from our own. I think I might have slipped into one this morning.

I'll explain: I'm flying to San Diego for an Oxford Club conference. And as I went through TSA security, the agent told me "leave everything in your bag, please."

"HU-WHA...?" I gasped.

"Leave your belt and shoes on, too."

Now I should explain that I had my belt, sportscoat and shoes already off.  As an air travel veteran, I can undress and empty my bag in the blink of an eye. Heck, I can get undressed so fast, I'm thinking I should take up a side career acting in porn.

"You want me to leave everything in my bag?" I asked in wonderment, looking at the pile of electronics I'd already deposited on the steel table.  I'd puzzled why there weren't any plastic buckets to put my stuff into.


"And leave my shoes and belt on? How about my jacket?" I waved the crumpled fabric at him.

"You can wear it," he said, and waved me to the machine.

So I put all my stuff back together, and walked through the scanner.  On the other side, another agent dabbed my palms with a wand.  Then I was waved on through.

Let me tell you -- in the universe I went to bed in last night, going through TSA scanning is a tedious affair of undressing and unpacking, then redressing and repacking on the other side.

Apparently, in the universe I woke up in, that is not the case. It's not the case at all.

Which makes me wonder: Which universe am I in now?

Is Mitt Romney President? Are we still going toe to toe with the Soviet Union? Are the Twin Towers still standing?

Do people ride dinosaurs while hunting unicorns?

Because a world where the TSA tells me to keep all my clothes on and everything in my bag, well, that's a world I have trouble imagining.

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